So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Houston, we have a squirter
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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