I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
