Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
