i was born a porn star she said
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Bring me that man meat
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
