You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
