So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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