I just threw up on my dentist
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize