We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
