Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
