just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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