Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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