in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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