Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
