Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
