I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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