My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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