My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
