We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it glows. i had to have it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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