i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
a search helicopter?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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