We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
