you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
