We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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