i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
