even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
