My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
