I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
