So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
