I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
