this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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