I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
