he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was CRYING into my vagina
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
