Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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