Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
