I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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