You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
