my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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