Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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