I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
