you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
