Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
