This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
