The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
