I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
