Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
