if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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