i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
