I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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