something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
