is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
