My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila