kristin has been a bad kristin
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?