I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.