i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.