woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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