I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
