I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
