That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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