here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
