I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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