But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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