I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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