Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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